April 18th, 2023

For the past few months I'd say I've been pretty happy. I don't really complain about much, or rather I don't have much to complain about. Sure, I could say I don't like my job or that I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing, but overall I've managed to stay content for the most part, like even though I acknowledge these issues, I don't let them bother me at all. Well, not anymore really. I'd say the foundation of who I am was mostly formed on constantly questioning things, asking why, and generally just doing my own thing most of the time. These past few months, I've completely deviated from that lifestyle, accepting things I can't control, not really caring about the future, that sort of stuff. Recently, though, I've been starting to worry again. I wonder if the direction I've been going is the right direction? Should I continue down this path of contentment, or revert back to always questioning everything? Of course there's a lot more nuance than that, but I'm starting to think that I don't like being content. I've recently gotten back into computer security, which has gotten me back into learning things and wanting to better myself, rather than just focusing on happiness all the time like a hippie. There's a lot of different layers to the issue that I can't fully explain, at least not very well. I'm no philosopher sadly, although I'd rather not be a philosopher in this age since that title pretty much just means you're a pretentious asshole that uses 'intellectualism' to grandstand over people you view as beneath you. But anyway, still figuring things out as usual :P