June 10th
5:23pm

For most of my childhood I was Christian. For most of my adolescence I was atheist. During my atheistic years I explored the depths of nihilism and the belief that there really was nothing after death, and that nothing in life mattered. From this point, I believe many people choose one of two paths: "If nothing in life really matters, then life itself doesn't matter, and I should just kill myself to get it over with," or, "Well nothing in life means anything, so why don't I just create my own meaning for it all then?" I, thankfully, chose the second path, and have been "creating my own meaning" from life ever since. It is during this process that I was once again exposed to religion, this time much later than I originally had been. Religion was no longer something that I was raised into and was supposed to believe unquestioningly, I now had the mental ability to read and understand religious texts for myself. To understand what the real meanings of the phrases were. I first was exposed to Buddhism through, funnily enough, the manga Vagabond by Takehiko Inoue. Miyamoto Musashi was a devout Zen Buddhist, as were many good men of his time. This lead me to read Alan Watts' What is Zen? which helped me fully understand just what all the fuss was about. After reading this, I found that I could finally understand the Tao Te Ching after many months of having no idea of what I was reading. It may seem silly, but it's very similar to the cliche martial arts movie trope that requires a young man to attain some sort of ancient powerful knowledge before he can truly understand his purpose. After gaining this understanding, I felt that I had attained a new way of seeing life that I had never felt before. A way of life that made everything wonderful and enjoyable and that cured my worries for a short time. I will not give creedence to the naysayers because I know what I have felt, but I must note that I've seen many people of present who treat Zen as some sort of hip new philosophy that they can use to view the world through, until they switch to the next one. Many many people my age obsess too heavily over the idea of the Tao or Zen or anything related, that to outsiders they just seem like crazy schizos. I must clarify, that I do not, nor have I ever, called myself a Buddhist, I simply find its principles very useful in my life.

With me now being accepting of Buddhism though, I've since opened up to the spiritual world as a whole. I believe in many things that I know are not factually true, but I still believe that they are good beliefs to hold. For example, the existence of magic and alchemy. I could write an entire page for these alone, so I won't get into it, but I bring these up only to cement the idea that I am now open to spirituality and what some would consider "mistruths and falsehoods". About a month ago I listened to an explanation of a book of the Bible, and in that explanation came the following quote:

Then came Peter to him, and said, 'Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times?'"
Jesus saith unto him, 'I say not unto thee, until seven times, but, until seventy times seven.'"

Ever since I heard this, I've slowly become more and more of a follower of Christianity. I enjoy reading the Bible, and I think there are many lessons to be gained from it. I do not go to church, and I don't ever plan on it. I don't believe there is anyone out there that can properly determine for me what my beliefs should be, I have to uncover them myself. Now that we've made it to the present day, this page is dedicated to, as you may have guessed, any notes or thoughts that I have on Christianity, be it lessons from the Bible, thoughts on modern Christianity, or anything else related to Christianity.