November 3rd, 2025
6:15pm

You might think I'm insane for saying this, but it's 100% true: I received a vision from God the other night. He showed me the kind of woman I will marry, and told me what to do to get her. If you had told me just last year that I'd be saying and doing all of this, I would have never believed you, but today thanks to God's guidance, I've vowed to save myself for marriage. I saw a vision of the most beautiful arrangement a man and woman can share. Imagine this:

You both date for a year or so, but never allow yourselves to fall victim to lustful thoughts or the temptation of intimacy, vowing not even to kiss until your wedding day. Imagine how meaningful that first kiss will be when the priest finally says, "You may kiss the bride." A whole year's worth of patience and discipline building up to that one special moment. Not to mention what happens later on during the honeymoon... It is genuinely a magical thing to think about, and I can't imagine either of us even considering divorce after sharing such a special moment with one another.

I used to say in the past that I regret nothing, because everything I've done has made me the person I am today, but after finding God, I regret many many things. I regret not saving myself in the beginning, I regret spending my innocence on someone who couldn't have cared less about it, I regret all of the years I spent as an Atheist, genuinely believing that I knew better.

Now though, God is with me. He's all I have right now, but He'll always be there for me. By His guidance I will become tha Man I am meant to be, and only then will He bestow upon me the woman that He has set aside for me, the woman that I'm to share my life with. I won't say it will be easy, doing all of this for a woman I don't even know exists, but I have faith. I don't need to know that she exists, because I have faith that God will answer my prayers.

The words of Jesus Christ:
"And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint:
There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man:
And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary.
And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man;
Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.
And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith.
And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them?
I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the Earth?

The Gospel According to Luke; Chapter 18; Verses 1-8

I have faith, so I will continue to pray to God.

October 30th, 2025
7:39pm

I'm currently listening to some At the Drive-In, highly recommend if you don't know them.

Man, life has been pretty hectic this past month, or honestly these past few months. This past Sunday I went to church alone for the first time in my adult life. I'll be honest, it was a great experience, and I plan on going back this Sunday, but boy was it stressful. I don't know anyone there, so it's naturally a bit uncomfortable at first, but I like to view it this way: the anxiety I feel from being there is Satan losing his hold over me, and desperately trying to regain it by making me want to leave. It's for that reason though, that I'm going to stick with it. I want to become a member of the Greek Orthodox Church.

This all is the result of about three or so years of spiritual exploration, but I'd say the catalyst to this is my girlfriend of five years breaking up with me. I've never experienced something like that before, but the closest thing I can compare it to is an actual death. It hurt more than the death of my childhood dog, but I'm finally getting over it, mainly thanks to God, my friends, and my family. I wish her the best, even if she doesn't the same for me. For a little bit I thought that maybe I could try dating other girls, but I quickly realized that was the wrong path to go down, so I've accepted that I'm just going to be alone for a while.

To look on the bright side though, I can finally put all of my focus and effort on my own future. Although honestly I've begun to realize these past few years that dedicating yourself to your own interests is probably the worst decision you can possibly make. It brings to mind all of the poor 50/60-something women that will never have a family because they prioritized college and their careers for their entire lives, and now they're old and cynical and bitter... and forever alone. I pray to God every day that he will someday bless me with a beautiful woman that I can love and dedicate my life to. I thought he already had, but I suppose God saw that I wasn't ready, and took this opportunity to strengthen me. I'm still not ready yet, but I will be when the time comes. And when that time does come, I will seize that opportunity without hesitation.

More is lost by indecision than by wrong decision.